


Paparazzi 2.0

by rarepairsinmycup



Series: Plum Blossoms [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Background Poly, Crack Treated Seriously, Ficlet, Gen, Paparazzi, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 11:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14448156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarepairsinmycup/pseuds/rarepairsinmycup
Summary: Facing devastating budget cuts, the Shinigami Women's Association proposes a challenge: get information or photographs of the Abarai-Kuchiki baby.





	Paparazzi 2.0

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over 'Bleach' nor am I profiting from this.

Nanao commands attention with a sharp throat clear and gestures towards the off-limits snacks. Everyone hushes, scurrying for their seats and then she waits for them to settle. She clears her throat again, lifts her chin and begins addressing the room.

“Our budget is once more facing deviating cuts,” she warns. “As you may recall, our paparazzi experiment drew some money. I’ve learned paparazzi target not only adult celebrities but their children.”

Yachiru uses this moment to jump in, “The first one to get any information or pictures of the Abarai-Kuchiki baby wins! Oh, Nana has the other instructions.”

“Participation is completely voluntary. A participant must sign a form stating we are not responsible for any injuries sustained during this project. Information and pictures will be sold for money, all which will go towards our budget. Winners will be fairly rewarded, though.”

Yachiru jumps in once more, raising her hand and grinning, “Now, raise your hand if you don’t wanna play. Nana will take the reason down for our records.”

Soifon: both Ukitake and Yoruichi could defend themselves against unwanted photographers. A newborn lacks such defense and parents will be unable to fully protect them due to exhaustion. 

Unohana Retsu and Kotetsu Isane: photographing and releasing the information of a patient would violate their privacy. 

Hinamori Momo: photographing a friend’s child without permission violates trust. 

Ise Nano: judging the photo quality disqualifies me from the competition. 

Kusajishi Yachiru: has signed a contract with the Abarai-Kuchiki family which agrees she will receive candy for respecting their privacy in the first month. 

Kursoutchi Nemu: participation would result in severe punishment by her captain. 

Kotseu Kiyone: participation would result in punishment by her captain. 

-

A few clear their throats and look pointedly at the snacks. Others squirm in their chairs, clear their throats, murmur, and watch as Rangiku signs her form without even attempting to skim it. 

“I’ve been looking for an excuse to sneak from the office,” she sighs. “I receive far fewer complaints from my captain when my skipping duties when I have a legitimate excuse.” 

Nanao pushes her glasses up. “I see you’ve been receiving advice from Captain Kyoroku again. No one here will attempt protecting you should Byakuya, Renji, or Rukia discover you attempting to photograph their baby.” 

Rangiku pouts. “You’re underestimating me. I participated in our last paparazzi competition, and no one can disagree: I took the best photos.” 

“You’ve obviously never attempted photographing a child without permission; I insist that you read the form before any attempts.” She gestures towards the snacks and steps away. “Now, enjoy the snacks and we will move onto our next topic.” 

-

One: 

Rangiku stretches across their office couch and twirls her camera around her finger by its string. “I can begin paperwork as soon as I have information on the Abarai-Kuchiki baby.” 

Toshiro continues with his paperwork. “I would prefer you just do the paperwork. I have already explained it already: Captain Kuchiki attended the last captains meeting with their child but kept them covered up with a blanket. 

“I can use that,” she cries and sits upright. “Could anyone determine whose feet the baby got?”

His head thumps against his desk. “I've never paid attention to their feet before. Captain Kuchiki made no attempts, offers, or even requests for relief during the meetings entirety. No one pressed him with demands or questions to know more about his baby.” 

“You should learn to appreciate babies more.”

His head thumps again and again. 

-

Two: 

Uryu develops something intended to make their lives easier: a carrier. It is a contraption which settles on their front with buckles and straps and somehow keeps the baby safe while it sits in there. Women giggle over rumors that even captain Kuchiki wears it, and it even looks adorable on him. Rangiku lurks in hallways and offices in hopes to capture him wearing it. Instead, she happens to catch Renji wearing it. 

Renji clutches a hefty stack of paperwork between his forefinger and thumb while his freehand pets the top of a dangling foot. Rangiku rounds the corner with a beaming smile and camera up and ready. 

“I see you’ve returned to work,” she cries. “How’re you adjusting?” 

Each question is punctuated with camera clicks and flashes. Except – each shot is capturing Yumichika flipping his hair, posing, and making a crude gesture while Ikkaku leads her target away. 

“I see you discovered the baby carrier.” Yumichika strikes a final pose. “I haven't worn it myself. I will only wear it once a better color comes out.” 

“You should’ve participated in our last paparazzi competition,” she grouses. “Do you have anything else to contribute?” 

“Kenpachi Zaraki and Unhona Retsu will be taking turns in escorting Ruka to prevent unwanted paparazzi attacks.” He flashes a bright smile. “I’ll be modeling when appropriate.”

-

Three: 

A month passes before Rukia returns to their meetings, escorted by Unohana Retsu. Her cheeks are flushed, and her movements are achingly slow. No one mentions the paparazzi competition. Everyone congratulates her and attempts fussing over her as she sits down. 

Rangiku claims her chair with a loud sigh and scrape as she scoots closer and closer until her arm brushes up against Rukia's. 

“I see we finally have you back.” She grins and slings an arm around her shoulders. “How’re you feeling? Is the baby keeping you up all night? Do you have them on a sleep schedule yet?” 

Rukia carefully shrugs her arm off. “I am sore, but Captain Unohana explained that was normal and should fade in time. Our sleep schedules are so different; we never followed a consistent one even before having a child.” 

“Well,” she hums. “Have you picked a name?” 

Rukia presses her elbow into her thigh. “It doesn't feel right to pick a name quite yet. Chad, Ichigo, Orihime, and Uryu deserve to have their input. It doesn’t mean that name will be picked though.” 

-

Four:

Yachiru fulfills her promise and practically dances towards their estate, and she has every intention to follow her. Kenpachi Zaraki gives her that maniacal grin, though and shakes his head.

-

Five: 

Nanao once more commands attention with a sharp throat clear and gesture towards their snacks. Again, everyone scurries towards their seat and is given a moment to adjust before she speaks. 

“Lieutenant Kusajishi wishes to thank Lieutenant Matsumoto for her efforts in attempting to gain information on the Abarai-Kuchiki baby.” Nanao scans the room. “I've since received information and photographs from the family which will be published in our next issue.” 

Rangiku slams her hands onto the table and squeals. “How will we benefit from buying information and photographs from the family?” 

Nanano sighs and shakes her head like she is dealing with a juvenile rather than a fellow lieutenant. “No one else would attempt photographing the Abarai-Kuchiki baby which we knew. I insisted you read the form for a reason. It clearly stated that successful acquisition of either information or photographs would result in a punishment chosen by the family. I will turn things over to Rukia now.”

“You were never going to be successful,” she chuckles. “You will find laundry waiting in the fourth division. It includes everything which she wore during her illness. You are also required to complete our paperwork for a month, and captain Hitsugaya will be increasing your workload.” 

“I demand gloves for the laundry.” She pouts. “You're the ones who took her into the world of the living.”

“You were caught attempting to sneak into our estate. Besides, we needed a reason to visit.” Rukia stands. “Hanataro will show you how to scrub the vomit from her clothing."

**Author's Note:**

> I really struggled with this piece. I finally sat down and moved it from roughly 200 words and got things going, which feels wonderful! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, guys!


End file.
